I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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