I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
