and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
