he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
