I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
