so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
