What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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