I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
