i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You are the jesus of drinking
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