Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
