I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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