??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
