I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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