he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
