I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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