I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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