This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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