i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
