Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
