im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize