Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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