Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
