i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
how drunk are you?
Several
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
