oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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