Did I show you my penis last night?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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