there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
