i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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