If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
