I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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