It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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