He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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