Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
