it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
