...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize