I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize