Soap is not a condiment
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
