Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
