I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
