I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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