My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize