I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
