Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
