So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
