i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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