You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
