Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
