So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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