hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
