Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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