So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
