Just fell off a train. Bad.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
