threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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