Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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