That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
