fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
