Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize