I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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