ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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