My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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