remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
