does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize