life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
