mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
