yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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