Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
