i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize