She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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