The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
